Last week was my first step in changing my focus. I talked about my struggles with infertility and today I am going to start my journey of unconditional love. Being plus sized I grew up feeling less than worthy and hating myself and the way my body looked. My whole adolescence was nothing but self hate and trying to change the way I looked. It got to a point where anytime I received a compliment I brushed the person off. I couldn’t believe that anyone would give me compliment about my appearance when I didn’t even like what I saw.
Last year I purchased the book Beautiful You; A Daily Guide To Radical Self Acceptance. I started going through the journal but quickly fell off the wagon. Now I am setting a goal and getting back into it. For the next year, once a month I am going to go through some of the prompts with you. I invite you to get the book for yourself and join me on this journey of unconditional love and self acceptance.
Unconditional Love Easier Said Than Done?
When everyone tells you that something is wrong with you because of the way you look it can be very hard to not listen. If no one else can see the good, why should you? A lot of people tell lies to others and themselves to help them not face what is really bothering them. There are people who want to jump on the band wagon and bring others down even more to help lift themselves up. Then there are people who can’t stand the idea of someone being happy with they way they are because they aren’t happy with themselves. I think a lot of that has to do with the way we are made. We are always wanting what someone else has because we think it’s better.
When you find that someone is acting this way towards you, remember it’s not you. It’s them. Period. They don’t want to see you happy but your life is none of their concern. Day two in the journal is a pledge. Pledge Allegiance To Yourself. If you want to change this way of thinking then go through these statements and pick the ones that resonant with you. Pledge to yourself and give yourself the unconditional love it deserves.
The Body Warrior Pledge
“Because I understand that my love and respect for my body are metaphors for my love and respect for my self and soul, I pledge:
- To stop berating my body and to begin celebrating the vessel that I have been given. I will remember the amazing things my body has given me: the ability to experience the world with a breadth of senses, the ability to perceive and express love, the ability to comfort and soothe and the ability to fight, provide, and care for humanity.
- To understand that my body is an opportunity not a scapegoat.
- To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on others to define my worth.
- To let envy dissipate and allow admiration to be a source of compassion by offering compliments to others.
- To gently but firmly stand up for myself when someone says or does something harmful.
- To change my inner monologue to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, and blessings not imperfections.
- To give my body the things that it needs to do it’s work well-plenty of water, ample movement, stretches, rest and good nutrition-and to limit and eliminate the things that do not nurture my body.
- To see exercise as a way to improve my internal health and strength instead of a way to fight or control my body.
- To understand that my weight is not good or bad. It is just a number, and I am only good.
- To love my body and myself today. I do not have to weigh 10 lbs less, have longer hair or have my degree in my hand to have worth. I have worth just as I am, and I embrace that power.
- To recognize my body’s strengths.
- To no longer put off the things that I wish to experience because I am waiting to do them in a different body.
- To understand that a body is like a fingerprint: a wonderful embodiment of my uniqueness.
My Unconditional Love Pledge
To be the primary source of my confidence. I will not rely on others to define my worth.
This was the first phrase that truly resonated with me. I spent so long being brought down by others that I have now found myself in this whole. I know that the only way I am going to be able to get myself out is to do the work myself. The only way I will ever start believing the good that others see in me, is if I start believing in it first.
To change my inner monologue to one that sees possibility not problems, potential not shortcomings, and blessings not imperfections.
This is actually the first step for me in building that confidence. If I don’t stop judging and belittling myself I will never be able to have that confidence I deserve to have. Constantly focusing on the negatives will only turn me into a negative person. I have the possibility to the be the person that I want to be and my family deserves. There is potential in me to teach my daughter these things so that she sees herself in a good light. I have been blessed to have the love of two people who will always be by my side no matter what.
I would love to know what you have pledged to yourself!